justine (dispersion) wrote,

so f'ing nice out today, makes me want to vomit its so nice. spent the bulk of the afternoon driving in the gloriousness that was this spring day -- windows down, listening to wmua. made me appreciate how great it is to drive in the valley. got stuck in bridge traffic on the way back, regretted not taking that side-road detour that leaves you by the asian food market. but those hills man, hills! this weather made me regret not going to coachella with mike -- driving into the desert for two days, just that open road experience. just the drive. but it couldn't have happened anyway -- more road trips will be had this summer, i hope. i mean, i finally have a vehicle in my possession, so why the f not?

so anxious about my summer plans -- everything is so completely tenuous. have no idea what i'll be doing, nothing seems to be working out at all -- my adviser advised me to spend the summer "hanging out" so that i'm "not so strung out all the time." i wish it were that simple. i wish i could statisfy everyone, satisfy myself to make that happen. i want to take a class but it'd be ~4 grand, and i don't even remotely have access to that kind of bank. i'm so grateful to my parents for helping me out all the time, whenever i need money, i always get it -- my mom always helps me out, so it just seems wrong to ask for more. this entire semester, these past 4 months have been a fucking daily struggle -- i've lived each day on the brink of unravelling completely -- where's my fucking award?

something decent, please happen.
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